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After Going Home, your life isn't just about the Baby and You.  There are other things to think about.

DADDY CARE BIG BROTHER/SISTER CARE PET CARE LIVING SPACE CARE ADDITIONAL RESOURCES EXIT THIS PAGE

DADDY CARE

EMOTIONAL CHANGES     You have bonded with your baby before birth, but you may not be prepared for the depth of attachment and love you have for this child. You may become preoccupied while at work with thoughts of the new baby and Mom. You will miss them when you are away from them. At the same time, you could even resent the child because of the drastic changes that have happened in your life.     Babies are slave-drivers. They demand attention and many times will not wait until you are able to give it. You may wonder how something so small can create so much work. There seems to be an endless list of things to do. If you have returned to work, it can be even more overwhelming. Add to this the lack of sleep the first several weeks. If you have other children, they may also be demanding more time than before the baby. If you think of all the sudden changes in your life, you will understand how you can love your new baby and possibly resent him at the same time.     Your freedom and spontaneity have been drastically curtailed. It can be almost daunting to get everything the baby needs ready to go out.     You may find that sex is almost non-existent for many weeks to months. This can be caused by many things besides the physical trauma of childbirth to your partner's body. You may both be tired or not in the mood.     You may sometimes be overwhelmed by what you don't know about parenting. This is a normal feeling. No one expects you to have all the answers. Men do not have the emotional support in our society for the new father role. Just as you need to be a part of the family, you also need to have friends. Sometimes you may feel forgotten as everyone gives attention to the new baby and Mom. Relax and use the time to enjoy the role of father.     You need time alone with your new baby. A time when you can cuddle, talk to, and play with your baby. Take the time you need to spend with your child. Don't forget your other children, if you have them.     Time with your partner is also important. The demands of parenthood can cause stress in your relationship. You need time together to heal that.     Continue to spend time as a family with the quiet time you began before the baby is born. Most importantly, remember being a parent can bring great joy.

BIG BROTHER/SISTER CARE

Spend time alone with your older child. This may be difficult at times, especially when you are tired. Let them know that you love them and they are still special to you. Disruptive behavior should be corrected as you always have done. Provide new activities or games. While you are interacting with the new baby, discuss big brother/sister with the new baby. Your child will hear this and feel that they have a special place in the baby's life     If your older child wishes to help with the baby, allow them to get diapers and other supplies for you, or talk or sing to the baby when you bathe, change or feed her. Even a very young child will feel part of the activity if they are given something to do. The older child may feel left out as visitors come to see the new baby and bring gifts. Let them open the gifts for the baby, if they are old enough. If your older child does not want to interact with the new baby, respect their wishes. They will see that you are not forcing them and will soon become interested.

PET CARE

Your pet has been a part of your family. Remember, they are used to all your attention if this is your first baby. You must treat them as though they were an older sibling in the sense that you want to pay attention to them and not create an atmosphere of jealousy.     If possible, bring home an item of clothing the baby has worn at the hospital. Allow your pet to smell the baby's scent.     Pets are curious. Let your pet smell the baby and see her when you come home from the hospital. Your pet may want to see what you do with the baby.     Small dogs will sometimes treat a small baby as their puppy and be fiercely protective. Large dogs can also be fiercely protective.     Cats cannot, as the old wives tale say, 'steal the baby's breathe', nor do they smother babies.     Animals do carry different bacteria and diseases than humans, so please keep face to face contact to a minimum.

LIVING SPACE CARE

Your apartment or house will not fall apart if you do not personally take care of it. You should have help the first two weeks home. If you have had a c-section, you may wish to have help for longer than two weeks. Your help can be friends, relatives or hired help, such as the childcare person you have engaged or a doula, who is a woman who cares for mom and house while you care for your baby. They should take care of you, Dad, your other children if you have them, and the living space. You and your partner need time with your new baby, to bond and get to know her.

ADDITIONAL RESOURCES THAT MAY HELP: What is a Doula? Doulas of North America ABC's of Parenting Childbirth.org

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